Oh man, I feel your pain

I have a similar situation, 15 year old daughter, perfect grades, mature, moral, responsible...all that stuff. I agonized over the same computer situation. I tried Net Nanny, but it blocked all attempts at writing a report on breast cancer, so I dumped it. I tried other software restriction programs, but they all had limitation that both she and I found frustrating.

Then I realized what my opinion of her was: 'perfect grades, mature, moral, responsible...all that stuff.' I decided on a different course of action. After an explanation of the way nafarious folks can take advantage of naive computer folk, and a discussion of how to not be so naive, we made a deal... Homework and chores first. Period. After all that is completed, 1 hour of chat time, unrestricted use of the computer for other purposes and her word that she would stay out of the explicit areas. Since I trust her in the other areas of her life and she hasn't let me down yet, I saw no reason why I couldn't trust her in this. To date, she hasn't let me down (that I know of . The point is, if you trust your daughter, perhaps a similar deal could be made with her.

Just my 2 cents, that's all.

Good luck Ingui. Truly.

I don't know you or your daughter, or anything about your relationship with her, but I can tell you from my experience at home and with other friend's experiences, we haven't found any substitute for honest, open communication and active personal involvement with our kids.

I don't mean to imply that you don't have that kind of relationship with your daughter; only that in my opinion, some of the controls and monitoring software you seem to be looking for can and will be viewed by a lot of teenagers as a lack of trust and respect for their privacy and may result in even more rebellion. Just something to think about.

I don't use Net Nanny, so I can't help you there, but some of your issues regarding net useage and maintenance can be dealt with by installing, using, and tweaking if necessary, a good firewall, AntiVirus software, and a Spyware checker. All good ones can be set to run automatically with scheduling options to run at startup or other times when the computer would normally be idle. Most can even be sent to do automatic updating to keep them current.

You can setup her computer with yourself as administrator with a password, and give her a user account to limit her ability to change or disable the protections if you want. With Desktop X, it is possible to even lock her out of some functions or areas of the system files and programs if you want. I bring this up because if you do a Google search for "Net Nanny" some of the top hits are for articles about bypassing or disabling Net Nanny using registry edits!

As for tracking her useage, some of the Spyware checkers can be set up to log useage tracks and histories before wiping them. To actually know what she is saying in a chat or messaging program would require some type of key logging software. I understand and sympathize with your frustration, but do you REALLY want to go to that extreme?

Anyway, I do sympathize with you, and wish you luck in improving the situation with your daughter. If you want to talk further or just need someone to listen, let me know. I use AOL, Yahoo, and ICQ. Good luck.

a good firewall, AntiVirus software, and a Spyware checker.

I agree, and I would add SpywareGuard to the mix as well. http://www.wilderssecurity.net/spywareguard.html 

A good kid is a good kid is a good kid. If she flies right everywhere else in her life.....I wouldn't worry, you've done a good job.

Shamless hit the nail on the head. Talk to her about the internet....
Internet is kind of like sex and drugs....where do you want her to learn about it, from her parents, from her friends?

First thanks to everyone for the input. Straightforward, common sense observations and opinions. Thanxand I agree.The "housekeeping" I can handle and have been. I AM, after all, the only computer literate person in our household. But I cant be everywhere at once and it is precisely because we have talked, and still talk, that I am prepared to "clamp" down so to speak. Her PC is as safe as I can make it. We're behind Hard and soft firewalls, Real Time AV up and running, SpyBot, etc. But it's her own behaviour, particularly in chat that has me concerned. She IS a good kid .

You are all of course, right about "active" parenting. At the same time, she does in fact have more freedom and privacy than any of her friends. Lately, she seems to be abusing that freedom. (again, specifically online). Is there a lack of realism to the internet? Is that how these freaks find it so easy to be so thoughtless on the MessageBoard at times?

Sigh.... I'll give it more thought, and we will talk again. I have been reluctant to treat her as a "child" and was actually a bit angry when I wrote this post. I have "cooled a bit". I am still not sure what course I will choose. I guess I will leave that up to her. I will let her know that she owes her "Last Chance" to the generous folks at WC and if she slips up again, I will boil her in...oops, I mean , find another solution.

Thanx again everyone. ciao

I use mcafee parental control, with good results, it's customizable for the age of the child, and has a good easy to use user interface. I control mostly the time spent online, though I also keep them from the nasty sites(yes I have boys). The parental control program did make for a miserable first week, but once we fine tuned it to their specific needs, while keeping my guidelines intact, we've all learned to deal with it well. The only one with complaints now is my eldest who spends way too much time at one game website...yes he's addicted to blasting holes in some kind of boat like structure... haven'tfigured it out , but have monitored the game enough to allow it's use.(he hates that mcafee makes him take an hour off for supper every night.... boohoo)
Also, I picked it up on ebay for less than 15., unopened and unregistered.
if you use norton antivirus, this isnt' the program for you, but if you don't it's worth the try. Good luck and stick by your decision when the stomps, whines and anger come... they will eventually subside.

umm - limiting her time online - can you just lend out her RJ-45 cable for specific periods ?

You can also use a proxy like NetProxy, WinProxy, or even Squid (Linux) and log everything. I believe Netproxy has filters and SquidGuard for Squid works great (I use this). Both of my kids are well aware that everything that they do on the computers in their rooms is monitored and logged. That in of itself, it a great deterrent.

#7 by Cavanaugh - 2/2/2004 7:32:47 AM umm - limiting her time online - can you just lend out her RJ-45 cable for specific periods ?

The dsl router is but an arms length away and I know which wire goes to her computer.

I have actually uttered that threat. sigh... Anyway, day one of voluntary internet abste... abstin... ab... , erm, staying offline
She seems to be taking it well.

ciao

lol ingui, if she gets the jitters, be prepared to have something to distract her till they pass..
I have found making them break for an hour at dinner time, and being shut down at bedtime works very well to bring them out into the light of day.
it seems like such a short time to us, but to them it's an eternity.
I also have it set so they can't log on between 10pm-9am on weekdays and between 12am and 10am on weekends. It is fair to expect them not to be online when everyone else is sleeping(well cept me.. it's the only time i'm really on) and because I can choose an age level , they're not barred from anything but destructive pages.